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Fossil People by Stephen Moles (part two)


Customer reviews: How to Read (Hardback)
**** Intellectual property, 18 Mar 2013
By Hi Jollysee all my reviews
This arrived at a very modern speed and was in excellent condition. It works very well alongside Crowley. A perfect holiday read!
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** A miscarried telegram, 24 Feb 2013
By Limeysee all my reviews
The term “holy” is a synonym for “sloppy” where I come from. Any old machine can print a timeline. Not enough information on Monte Cristo or European Law.
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***** It will be found, 4 Jan 2013
By Olive slopssee all my reviews
I bought this book after a friend told me about it over a nice lunch. I searched all over the internet but in the end I had to ask my teacher for a copy. I didn’t regret it. It comes in either black or green casing. The entire character type is confident and cunning. If you save one book, make it this one.
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* Churchill’s lies, 29 Dec 2012
By 20th Century Posee all my reviews
It was shortly after the publication of this book that the British began referring to the end of the week as “the grave”. Over 500 cases of the maddest, queerest things happening in hotels were reported in the 1930s. My house is evidence of their evil purposes. Any intelligent man who reads this will see the downsides.
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***** I’d say this is what you’re looking for, 26 Dec 2012
By French pilgrimsee all my reviews
You’re never going to get the exact number of truths, so this kind of rectifier, however clumsy, is tomorrow’s newspaper. If you become really imaginative, you can cut holes in the pages with scissors. When you look straight through, it’s like hearing a great man speak.
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*** The culture that never was, 28 Oct 2012
By Artificial light transcribersee all my reviews
As a lightning illustrator, this guy is second to none. I respect the fifteenth chapter in particular, but his failure to see the simple things left me in a stew. By not giving the work a recognizable miracle, he fell foul of strict censorship laws. An original but incomplete work.
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**** Stationery is a secular system, 7 Sept 2012
By Nose inventionssee all my reviews
Stationary is a secular system that generates black ink and red faces. How to Read was written and edited by five different authors. To help children master the book, a line of words in the sand is recommended. Two new names have been added to the list of victims.
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     My index finger was a bulk of nutrients hovering over the camera as the dolphins finished their sculpture of a clock with a beard.
     “Is it me or do their noses look sore?” Rebekah asked.
     “Yes,” I said. “That’s why I want to take a photo: evidence.”
     Just as I was about to bring my digit down on the button, an unexpected voice made my entire body go tight with surprise.
     “You not do that!” the old lady with the cylinders shouted at me. “No photograph dolphin!”
     “Why?” I asked, putting down my camera like rain.
     “Dolphin is shy creature. Have hole in back, but is not for candles. Camera make false statement.”
     “I know cost of trouble to follow. You have big hands.”
     “Oh yeah,” I said, creating a circular pattern with my thinking, “we forgot to applaud.”
     Rebekah and I clapped ourselves into premature baldness in an attempt to communicate the depth of our appreciation for the dolphins. They bristled with attention for the duration of our handmade music, but that didn’t stop the poor animals looking like a bunch of sad kids with mines for faces.
     “I think this is a turning point,” Rebekah whispered to me.
     “It most certainly is,” I agreed.
     When the old lady shook her cylinders at us, I decided to throw her a question instead of money. I inquired about the welfare of the dolphins and the low ceiling of the situation.
     “You should pay more monies if you think welfare is bad,” she said. “What can we do? It all ends in the end. And do not try riding off island on dolphin – other English try, and that is how they die. Do not even think it!”
     The idea of riding off the island on dolphins had not even crossed my mind before the old lady mentioned it, but it was given a permanent corner in my thoughts after that. She started a little vortex and threw it away in the future with her warning.
     “People died trying to ride the dolphins?” I asked.
     “Yes. Is only way they die, no matter what newspaper say. Check on yourself with suspicious eyes. Riding away can not be done. Do not try! Only way you two leave island is through tomb.”
     “What do you mean?”
     “Imagine space with nothing in. Imagine building where all other resident must stop talking. All toadies looking through glass get stiffness in joints until see five minutes of consciousness.”
     I tried to imagine what the old lady described, but the image dissolved in the shadow of a harsh opinion.
     She continued talking about the tomb in various shapes and colours until Rebekah and I were left trading lower on some unpleasant feelings.
     “I don’t understand,” Rebekah said.
     “You will,” the old lady replied. “It will be your new home forever.”


     In certain areas of the world it is common practice to feed animals by stuffing snacks into their ears. It is believed that mergers between food and sound can create more social creatures. Camels, wolves and cows have been shown to be more charming when fed this way.
     The genital areas of most animals have the law of objects acting on them. If a mature eye focuses its attention on even an inch, nervousness will set in.
     Adding citrus juice to the water will make the fish taste better. Dolphins spend most of their time below the surface and tend to compensate for poor visibility by drawing red lines in the sand. Under laboratory conditions, dolphins can identify objects in a closed mouth with a 90% success rate.
     The evacuation network was created after someone was spotted hitting a fox with another fox. Soon after, a fishing vessel in the Atlantic ocean was completely destroyed by sperm.
     When the women came home, they were covered in bite marks. Their partners, who were all teachers, used sponges on them. The women were reluctant to talk about their injuries – all they would say is that they got them while out swimming.
     Competition among females can sometimes result in acts of extreme aggression. Even female plants have been known to destroy each other. Male oak trees have been observed slowly migrating from one forest to another to get away from the violence.
     When the stunned creature fell to the ground, a ball rolled out of one of its ears. The ball had pores and hairs on its surface. It was later served to a wealthy British diner, who paid £640 for it.


     The rumor started spreading through the hotel at around 7pm. The first sign was a low murmuring coming from the other rooms. Within less than an hour, people were knocking on our door and asking to see our wedding rings.
     “It’s not natural,” one man said.
     When Rebekah and I went down to the restaurant around 9pm, there was a distressed face in the air. As we sat down at our table, the other diners turned their heads and clenched their jaws to suppress humbugs. Someone had spread the rumor all over the walls.
     “The pool is open if you wish to get clean,” a woman said with an artificial smile.
     “We’re fine, thanks,” Rebekah replied.
     We were informed that the rumor had found its way into the kitchen, causing the food to be contaminated. The conversation was a deep cut.
     Rebekah and I felt our way through a windowless box that was about to be burned. When we tried to return to our room, three women were blocking the door.
     “There’s a vicious rumor inside,” one of them said. “You can’t go in.”
     “But we need to sleep,” Rebekah pleaded. “Can’t we get rid of it?”
     “It’s too vicious,” the same woman stated before signalling a high price to her sidekicks.
     “But where will we sleep?”
     “Don’t pretend you don’t know.”
     “I don’t know!” Rebekah cried as she and I were forcibly led away by the women. “Where are you taking us?”
     “To the end.”


Lady Alison @saxman22 8yrs ago
The Discovery Channel needs to do a documentary on this place! #discoverychannel #powderisland
Big Harps @offendedjeff 8yrs ago
I just ate the best sandwich of my life. #powderisland #holidayofalifetime #neverreturningtoengland
Enigmama @specialbranch 7yrs ago
Walking through the trees here reminds me of walking through a library. #powderisland #books #magic
Be Seated @pillpatter7yrs ago
Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. #powderisland #rumors
Elizabeth Hardcore @cpuduck 7yrs ago
Some crazy-ass shit just happened!!! #powderisland #supernatural #tomb
Medium Brother @joethelime 6yrs ago
Just saw someone choke to death on a bone. #death #powderisland #traumatized
Collectaball @bubblez 6yrs ago
Apparently the airport has been blown up. #disaster #stranded #powderisland
Kepthub Child @ottovonmisters 6yrs ago
I had a nightmare about drowning last night. #nightmare #powderisland
Isaac Thing @futureself2464 1wk ago
Just arrived. Rebekah and I are in paradise. #honeymoon #powderisland
Isaac Thing @futureself2464 1wk ago
Dolphins are the most incredible creatures. #dolphins #foam #powderisland
Isaac Thing @futureself2464 2hrs ago
OK… this is starting to get a bit weird now #wtf #powderisland #sos


     We were herded to the tomb by the islanders on the day we were meant to fly home. Their faces were cocked with excitement as they puffed up their chests to create a point of no return. Our physical influence created no more than a couple of red words in the sand as we were pushed and shoved to the stone platform.
     “Be good now, English!”
     Our honeymoon had changed from a romantic training manual to a thug’s prayer book.
     “Sorry, I do not see you, demigods.”
     After a scandal breaks, perfection is likely to be violent. The huge group of people affected by the event made a strong wind that caused waves of perfection to crash violently on the shore.
     “Where are the dolphins today?” I asked.
     “All chained up underwater,” the hotel manager answered.
     Rebekah and I were mixed in with the coastal particles as our neighbors washed a zone of concessions away. The sand shouldered our burden before swallowing its exhaustion.
     “This is the tomb,” the hotel manager explained. “This is where the dolphins lay their eggs.”
     We peered inside and saw two large bones lying side by side at the bottom.
     “You probably didn’t know that dolphins lay eggs,” he explained. “But they do. Dolphins, camels and wolves all do it. They create beautiful, white eggs like these.”
     “But they don’t look like eggs,” Rebekah said. “They look like bones.”
     “Ha! The English believe their own lies.”
     The natives shot a few bullets of mockery into the air.
     “Yes,” the hotelier went on. “The glorification of words coincides with a decline in spiritual power. England is still a tiny country in some people’s eyes. A lot of important personalities believe a certain cigar-smoking prime minister sent a valuable book up the river for a brief memory.”
     “Listen,” I said. “We don’t want to be fossil people. I’ve already said I don’t see what’s so good about being English.”
     “Being born English is no coincidence.”
     I looked at Rebekah and saw that she was weeping silently into the tomb. She was wincing as if in pain and sending a letter of tears down the hole.
     “Good one,” snorted the hotel owner on seeing my wife sob. “The more you water the eggs, the quicker they will hatch.”
     “What do you want from us?” I asked, looking around at the thick crowd.
     “We want you to damn the balance of your house,” a short woman said.
     “Put our ghost problem to bed,” a creepy-looking man in the background shouted.
     “Transmit the hell of a body to the plasma generation,” said a boy whose left shoulder was bigger than his head.
     “OK,” I said defiantly. “We will.”
     I took my hands from my crotch slots and grabbed hold of Rebekah. We both knew what we had to do. We leaned forward with great determination, making the depths of despair difficult to avoid.
     In that moment of brutality, there were secrets twinkling in our toes.
     Existence was the only barrier to eternity.


     Hello? Yes. Yes, I can speak. Uh-huh. It’s an enigma, but I’ll try. I’ve known Isaac and Rebekah for eight years now. I met them when we were studying in Dover. Both of them had only very minor flaws. Yes, yes. They were initially thinking about going to Miami for their honeymoon. Something about chemicals in the water. There are many disaster zones in the world, of course. I saw them off at the airport and I did notice that she looked a little sad. Ashamed? It’s possible. Sad, ashamed, fearful – there was certainly something painful in her concept of travel. Isaac was fretting about taxes. He was also trying to draw my attention to a tour of some sort. I remember thinking it would be silent all the way back home. Hmmm. It’s common sense to point out the differences and interpret the work of providence. When he showed me the tickets, he attracted the attention of a Greek guard who felt impelled to express his opinion. He may have been wrong, but a full translation of the gaps was common courtesy. “It’s very kind of you and your lips to give it a thought,” he said. When the plane took off, there was some skin hanging in the air. Lemon furniture and miniature blue men overlooked the street. No. Where the neck begins. Yes, I am certain of that. If I’d known they’d end up like that, I’d never have let them travel. It’s so sad when a young couple are found in pieces. It’s the opposite of good. Yes. OK, I will. Thank you, officer. Goodbye.


“And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel.”
The Stephen Moles from Clacton-on-Sea scrolls a soft object in his spare time, bluffing the anvil and pen in Gone LawnRed FezPifSwamp Biscuits and TeaWhy Vandalism? and others. He has been nominated for a log cabin of fiction, displaying the cosmos like a prose animal with handwriting on the walls. The players of the future can enjoy the hot, young click of a full stop.